Entry II: Feeling bad
I’ve never really had monetary hardships in my life and especially now I feel horrible about it. Aside from doing my research for money last year summer, I’ve never had a job. And the research job was literally a waiting simulator (the reactions take hours) while I played games on my ipad and went out for 2 hr lunch breaks with my mom. Even with the money I got I spent it all even though I should have probably saved it. Now I’m feeling super bad because in a couple of months I’m gonna be living in the new apartment complex near campus that’s like 2k+ a month plus I’ll have a car so parking fees and fuel and stuff. Like where all the rich international students live... I brought it up during my chem lab one day while we were talking abt housing and everyone looked at me like I was crazy. I was so embarassed lol. I def did not read the room that day. Despite this I do feel behind in a lot of canon events like working a hs job and all the shit that happens. I feel bad for wasting money because I’ve been doing that all throughout college without any complaints from my parents. I wish I could cure myself from being so depressed all the time because there’s honestly nothing I should sad about to the point of suicidal ideation lol. No matter how flawed my parents are, they’ve been through way worse and never really did anything about healing in their adult life. I can hate my life all I want, but having a boring mundane life is not bad! I’m lucky to only have to worry about getting my education done and getting an adult job

ೱ 11:13 am ♪. . . ₊˚ Metamorphose by Lareine

Entry I: Finding fulfillment in life
For the past couple of months, I’ve been thinking about how to find fulfillment in this life of mine… For most people, their reason to keep going are their loved ones. For me, I don’t really have anyone. I have my family, but to be honest, I’ve never felt secure in an environment where I’m one failure away from not being loved. I’ve never had true friendships either, and even at 20 I’m inexperienced when it comes to romantic relationships. Now that I’m not a teen anymore, I think I have come to accept that if I end up living my life in solitude, which is seeming more and more likely, I should at least find a reason to keep on living. For right now it’s music. It’s the only comfort I have during such an important, and terrifying time in my life. Deciding what I want to spend the rest of my life doing… I know in the future when I’m able, traveling and exploring new places will also be something I do often! Rather than popular cities, I really want to explore all the nature Earth has to offer. I won’t say that I’m happy now or that I’ll ever be, although I do strive for happiness, but I’m grateful for the privileges I’m have especially at this point of my life.

ೱ 10:19 pm ♪. . . ₊˚ Let It Please Be You by The Desires

Entry 0: first blog so scared
hiiii

ೱ x:xx pm ♪. . . ₊˚ xxxx