Entry 2: TiredSo busy with school I’ll probably go radio silent for a while. Had my first exam today… did I study? Kinda? but we’ll see. Then right after that I had research lab and the one time I’m not wearing gloves I spilled a bunch of stuff on my hand. I searched it up and I think I should be fine.… I hope. I was rushing to get to my afternoon class which I was like 10 minutes late for at that point. Then came back again after class to do more lab stuff and now I’m home. The grad student I work with gave me a protein bar because i don’t pack lunch to school and I probably looked so tired. She presented her research in kyoto over the summer and I was so jelly brah. Her plane ticket and everything was paid for I hope I get an opportunity like that one day because it I’m broke as hell and don’t want my first Japan trip to be when I’m like 30 years old. I'm gonna miss her when i graduate because I've been working with her for 3 years now! Oh yeah tomorrow our lab is having an ice cream date but i have a class like right when it happens lowkey should i skip? But that was my day. I’m now home and I’m gonna watch something and probably go to bed tooodles... talking with my roommate abt movie night again and she doesn't like horror that's so sad sigh. Was hoping we could watch some 80's-2000's horror because they are my favorite and also halloween is like tomorrow.
Entry 1: Talking about whatever
Took my mcat… it sucked. 99% sure I have to retake it. It was miserable afterwards when I had a raging headache and since I came with my dad the whole car ride home was him just asking me questions and giving me lectures. I have to start applying to med schools soon which is also scary poor me take me back to literally any other time other than this one lol. Then I have to work on my thesis and research and renew my emt license which I let expire lol. I hope it’s not too late to renew it because that’s most likely what I’ll be doing during my gap year. Then my roommate texted me asking for a movie night. I forgot to tell her that I was home…. my roommate is too social help me but I guess I have to learn to open more. I’d rather be in my room though. I’m trying to go out of my way to talk to people and I’m already failing at it. Most of last week I skipped my classes mainly because of how hot it was. We had our club fair last week and I was debating joining the cultural exchange club but then I had to fill out a whole form I got so lazy. Since my school has a lot of international students and people from different backgrounds it would have been nice but to start something like this during my last year feels like a lot of work lol. I also want to try my luck at romance. I think I’m done with my edgy “I’m never looking for love” phase I had going for the past like 4 years. Thing is that since I don’t really have romantic experience, my standards are way too influenced by watching media, I’m actually scared of physical intimacy, I’m too lazy to be proactive. Like I’m not on any dating apps, I don’t go out, I’m not social at uni, I’m not social online. I’m so cooked. It’s crazy because my mom was married around my age. I envy her a bit because she experienced teenage love and also men were always after her anyway. but one day a tall pretty faced nice smile soft spoken person will just appear out of nowhere and come into my life because everything works in my favor like that and you guys probably would never hear the end of it. I think I’m someone who could survive without ever being in a relationship idk. Maybe because I don’t really know what romantic love feels like so I feel like I’m okay without it. My threshold for stress is so low that if I was stressed out with a relationship I’d actually go insane even though I enjoy consuming toxic romance slop
Also drawing again! I keep telling myself that I want to stylize my art but I just can’t let go of realism it’s so fun… not fun in a sense that it takes me days to finish but I can just turn my brain off and let my art come to life kind of fun
I’m cursed with drawing vkei men for the rest of my artistic career probably
The next time my mom talks about being skinnier than me when she was my age I’m gonna throw myself off a cliff… Now her metabolism is all kinds of fucked up because I swear she omads every single day and can’t loose weight. Even though I’m super insecure about my legs and weight she calls me a model. I’m only 5’6” I’m not sure abt that lol. She’s more triggering than anything I see or hear online I swear
